All posts by SheWhoLoves

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STAGNANT- THE CHANGE I NEED

Personally I don’t like where I am right now. No, I don;t mean it literally but what I mean is I do not like where I am in life, what i have accomplished my thoughts for the future. But what I do know for sure is who I want to be and what I want for the near future.

I want to be different in every way emotionally, physically, financially, and most importantly spiritually I want to be in a good space. For far too long I’ve been content not to ambitious not striving for more in any area of my life. I was or should i rather day I am just there. Nothing much going on same old routine. That’s just lame. I’ve been too stagnant for far too long.  If you were to compare me today from the person I was 6 months ago. You’d see I’m literally the same. Maybe the only difference is I’m more social and I have made a lot more friends who I can with all honestly say truly adore me and I adore them even more. But even if they love me for me. All consistent and the same, I not happy with it at all.

 

I have big dreams  for myself in every little aspect. Don’t get me wrong I don’t hate myself at all in fact I LOVE me with all my heart. I LOVE me enough to know that  I am not happy with where I am and I need change. My Pastor told me that if you remain stagnant and you do not grow you’ll wither and die. I know she was speaking from a spiritual point of view but I feel the same applies in your life. If everything in your life remains the way it is you “die”( sorry for lack of better words). Nothing will matter much anymore, no effort will be put in anything you do and if bad situations arrive they’ll knock you down harder than they usually would. I don’t know if this is just me or…??

I haven’t put any effort in anything I do and of course what you reap is what you sow. In my style, which I usually put a lot of effort in( nowadays any ol’ tee and jeans will do). I have slacked. For me fashion was my escape I felt so so so good when I put myself together in a fashionable clothes.I loved it cause I would surprise most people who thought of me as predictable and I would feel super good about myself and confident. I’m not the most high-end fashionista but my edgy style was sort of like my safe haven, the last place I would resort to when I was feeling like crap.That’s gone too.

I procrastinated a lot. Every second was spent procrastinating. Of course my academic career was suffering as well, even if I did spend time self studying. I had taken out the fun element of sitting in class listening, learning and understanding. There  is no better feeling then actually understanding and learning. But I of course I zone out in class or sleep out of exhaustion (from what I am not entirely sure) . Then I’d come home lie to myself that in about 30 minutes I’ll eat lunch, rest a little and start with homework and study more school material In reality I would often go on to YouTube, or sleep or watch TV Or anything else except touch my books. My heart it breaking right now actually writing this.

My physical state was a mess as well. I’m a dynamic fitness trainer at school. We train about 3 days a week I would only pitch up 2 days a week and only to show my face and do the exercises. I only did so people wouldn’t I’m a drop out and so I wouldn’t lose my position which I need to put in my university application form because I have nothing else to put on that form. LOL what do you know I’ve been doing nothing in my entire school career. Anyways I did not do my exercises at home, which is essential as a trainer if you want to grow and work to better your techniques. I ate whatever I wanted. in fact I feel like I ate even more than usual. Thank you god for my fast metabolism, or else I would be FAT mess as well

I just really need to sort myself out. I am really glad I acknowledged my problems and I know what they are. The next step is to actually start doing it. Procrastination is the Devil and I shall not succumb to it. I won’t try I will do it!

THIS IS LOVE

“I like heart-throbbing conversations, the kind of truth that makes you swallow your own spit in disbelief that such people with rawness still exist.
I like honesty without words, how two lovers drown themselves in the eye of the other.
I really dig it when the heart beats fast, the blood chase in adrenaline makes me feel alive.
Falling in love is so terrifying but so liberating that I find something to fall in love with everyday. Whether a word or detail on a page, a woman and her aesthetics, sometimes even myself.
The process is gratifying,it helps me remember that it is okay to feel too much all at once because it’s in these moments- these very instant that hearts collide and birds sing.”

– Malanda / OverlyXclusive

FACING GIANTS, DEFEAT & STAYING STRONG

There was a time I thought that I did everything wrong, in fact I felt that my entire existence was wrong. I felt I wasn’t to be. I did not love myself at all. The main root of this was insecurity. I faced a giant in my life that bigger than me or so I thought. She was a friend of mine; she’d say all these different things to me. Awful things. The biggest mistake I’ve ever done was to believe her.
But there are so many giants I’ve faced in my life and I’m still battling them. I watched a movie once the moral was if think and have accepted defeat before you’ve even tried or throw in a punch you’ve already been defeated. If your mentality is defeat, defeat is what you’ll get. We face giants, we need to stand strong in faith, faith in ourselves that we’ll get through this and faith in God that he’ll give us the strength to get past and knock down our giants. I believe that having a positive attitude and standing strong with our faith no matter how small it  is what will help us get through this. I need to be strong I need to be tough I need to be a warrior and not a worrier. So that I won’t be the one lying I n a ditch of self-pity, anguish and failure, so I won’t be the one with a broken soul, a broken spirit and a torn down self-esteem. Rather I need to get up again and again and again and throw those punches and fight back so I can rise and be victorious. No matter how many times I get knocked down I will rise again and fight even harder. Easier said than done, Yes I know but my faith in God is not in vain he’ll raise me up even higher. No matter how trivial my problems may seem to the world. He sees it in a different light, he understands me and I will believe until the very very end.

DEAR COCO

I write this letter to you with complete honesty, please take my advice and do not hate it when I tell the truth. Please take more risks, dare to say more and do not trap your words in your soul. The world has to hear what you say, whether they like it or not. Your voice is the one thing that has power. Feel more and take in every moment the taste of food, the fresh air when you open your windows in the morning the morning sun and don’t ever take anything for granted. Say thank you to your mother more often and appreciate their efforts, stop focusing on what they aren’t doing but rather on what they’re doing. Give more hugs and kisses to friends especially to acquaintances you do not know who could become potential good friends but be careful not to give too much of anything , because they might not give back. Return your sister hugs and kisses and tell her you love her, realize how much she needs you give her unexpected kisses as well comfort her when she’s down. When you feel the world looks down on you, smile it is your best defense. When your friends underestimate you and take you for granted show them why they should not, show them how strong and how magnificent you can be and again do not give too much. Show your appreciation towards your friends you never know when you’ll need them. Give out compliments freely. Love everyone no matter what. Smile at people and do not ignore them for the fear of rejection. When you feel you have nothing to say do not say anything at all, do not force conversations. Please do try new hairstyles every single day. Spray your perfume everyday so people may remember your scent. Surprise your friends with your baked stuff. And by the way please read up way on how to improve your baked stuff before  you do that. Apply make-up I know you want to embrace your natural beauty but apply make-up once in a while and enhance your beauty. You’ll feel good.
Always try never to see what you lack, because you’ll find you lack even more and rather try to make the best of what you have, believe me you have a lot more than you think. When you receive criticism constructive or not try not to take it personally. You are sensitive, so make peace with it and learn how to take news better. Do not just say you’ll do things but instead just do it and don’t give it second thought or procrastinate or else you’ll never get it done. I have a lot more to say to you but for now this will be it.
Yours Sincerely